I love animation. The start of the noon series on this blog was actually an animation. I think it’s very apt; it’s funny to see alien creatures behaving exactly as we would. It also makes me think about what life forms we might find in space – can we even recognise them as such or communicate? Or will our laziness cause us to destroy an entire civilisation without realising it? I don’t really think that pondering this is the intention of the animation, but it’s enjoyable. When I think about what’s outside of our planet, I feel rather small. What do you think about outer space? Is it vast and empty, or is there life that we haven’t found yet?
With this post I start a new, illustrious series: Things I like. Obviously this has something to do with my unending narcissism and general proclivity for collecting things. Illustration is something I’ve always been fond of, and I collect them in a folder on my computer. I don’t really follow particular artists, though I do like mid-century style stuff, simple drawings, and nice colours.
I’ve always liked manga and some of the soft way of drawing they have:
From Kuragehime (Princess Jellyfish)
From Hana Yori Dango (Boys over Flowers)
Some Western comics too have beautiful illustrations. I bought Beautiful Darkness because of it. You can read the first few pages here.
Character evolution
I recently found a webcomic called Stand Still Stay Silent which I adore, beautifully and dreamily illustrated. The world too is beautiful and a little creepy, and I feel like it has sometimes a similar feeling to Beautiful Darkness.
I also like simpler illustrations/comics, like those by Sarah Andersen. Sometimes I feel like they capture my essence:
I also like this type of illustration, where it’s mostly lines, hatching, and one colour. I guess they’re ink drawings? I like the level of detail in them. You often find them in older books, I suppose because they’re cheaper to print than photos or full colour illustrations.
I also like the Soviet-era illustrations you find on books and other media, like movie posters. Since most of my books are packed, I can’t take pictures for this post, but I have the posters for Ivan’s Childhood and the Irony of Fate, as well as of a Tolstoy cover I found at a bookstore in Toronto.
The Berlin Wall has always fascinated me, since it effectively ceased to exist shortly before I was born. I remember as a child dad going to Berlin and bringing my brother and I back bits of wall with colourful spray paint on. Since then, I always wanted to go to Berlin, and I did manage to visit with dad a few years ago. I hope you find these videos interesting.
I guess the theme this time is books that are kind of a little bit sort of really quite depressing in some respects. These are books that I’d probably classify as various shades of grey. I guess I should try to maybe make this series somewhat thematic in nature, though what I do tend to read follows certain patterns – often I’ll read in the same genre or theme for a while before moving on.
Primo Levi
Survival in Auschwitz – Primo Levi
I suppose what this book reminded me of a lot is One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Solzhenitsyn. The barbaric pointlessness of the camps is echoed in that book, though perhaps not as strongly. While Denisovich is not directly biographyical per se, Levi’s book is, in my mind, more about bearing witness and recording the events that took place in Auschwitz in time – it was written shortly after the end of the War. It is a fascinating and horrifying book – the matter of fact tone hammers in the reality of what happened.
The Road feelings
The Road – Cormac McCarthy
I probably shouldn’t have started and finished reading this in one night before I went to bed. I found it a relatively quick read due to McCarthy’s concise writing style, which I’m still not sure if I like. It’s an efficient vehicle for telling a story, but I suppose I do crave for more detail sometimes, but that’s more in my nature than anything else. It has a compelling world, somewhat familiar, faded grey. The world in The Road is a terrifying place. I probably wouldn’t make it, though to be honest, it doesn’t seem like anyone will – the world is unforgiving. The book is stark in prose and in setting.
Essentially Winter’s Bone
Winter’s Bone – Daniel Woodrell
Another grey book. I read most of this on the train to Toronto when I went with dad this week to see the Alex Coleville retrospective. I liked this book quite a bit because mysteries appeal to me greatly, as well as foreign settings so to speak. The language in the book is interesting to me in its foreignness to my person – I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone from the Ozarks. The book too focuses on women, and Ree is a strong character. All in all I enjoyed it, though I’m not sure if I’ll see the film or not, since I already know how it ends.
I could lie and say this is in Norway or Sweden like in the book, but it’s actually in Helsinki, at the harbour.
My Struggle Book 2 – Karl Ove Knausgaard
I bought this book back in January along with Book 1, and while I managed to get through the first book relatively quickly, I stopped and started Book 2. I think it is because I am closer to the character Karl Ove in the first book but in the second, he’s at a different life stage. I do enjoy this kind of odyssey and I don’t regret reading it. I’m now on Book 3. I think I like boring books, to be honest… I heard an interview with Karl Ove on the CBC and thought it was interesting, though it did really strike me that character Karl Ove and real Karl Ove are very similar, and he sounded exactly how I imagined. I relate really quite strongly to him and his awkwardness… Maybe I’ll write a post once I finish reading all six volumes.
I didn’t think I’d finish one of my 26 before 26 goals so soon. I did the Ontario Provincials for BJJ and I won a match in my gi division. Since the tournament is single elimination, that meant that I got to have two matches in the gi, though I lost my second match to the woman I faced at my first tournament, who is very experienced, won all of her matches, and is an amazing jiu-jitsuka. I won the first match by points, which are fairly straightforward. I lost my only nogi match. The tournament followed the IBJJF rules. There are two points for knee on belly, a takedown, or a sweep; three for passing the guard, and four for mount or back control with hooks. I got two points for a takedown at the beginning and two points for a sweep at the end. I had one of my teammates take a video, and you can watch it below. I haven’t uploaded my other matches yet since this one took almost two hours to upload for some reason or other. I might post them later if I have the patience.
I rarely win things, and I guess the feeling of winning is surprising and empowering. The other girls in my division asked me why I looked so surprised, but I held back and didn’t tell them until after I was out after my second match. My coach said I have to be less nice and friendly so that I do better, and I guess he is right about the mental game when it comes to tournaments, though I find it hard not to be that way. Going into the first match I felt so calm and relaxed. I didn’t feel tired or stressed out. I just felt like I could do well, and that I was hopefully going to put up a good fight. As soon as I heard Jeff (the coach) shout that I was up on points, I knew I couldn’t let her pass my guard, and held on exhaustively for what seemed like ages as she struggled to pass. I kept setting her back and she kept pushing forward, but I felt stronger and less tired. I could hear her frustration as she struggled to pass. She changed directions, but by that point (near the end), I had pinched her knees together and ended up (jankily, really) sweeping her and started to work the pass. At that point, the match ended. The ref went to the table for what seemed like ages and I thought for a moment that she’d made a mistake with the points and that I’d lost. But then I meekly went to my place, and she raised my hand, and I held my arms up and wanted to shout so loudly, but I thought, maybe it’s better to be modest.
I felt like I’ve struggled a lot with the idea of winning. I feel like I don’t like to draw attention to myself too much, though, like everyone, I do like to know (quietly) I’m on the right track. I relish in doing something correctly, even with some style. I had a lot of trouble at the first two tournaments with the winning mentality. At the first tournament I tried to force myself to have ‘fire,’ and it didn’t really work. It wasn’t me to be hyper aggressive and I felt a bit fake. At the second tournament, I was hungry (mostly due to making weighthahaha) and maybe even ready, but I felt thrown off when my teammate joined my division at the last minute (though this wasn’t her fault at all, it was all in my own head). For me, I guess it’s difficult to alter my expectations or feelings about a space per se (abstract and emotional space in this sense, let’s get into emotional geographies just for fun). I find it difficult even in my everyday life, like when my space (room, apartment, whatever) has been disturbed in some way, or when something has been done differently than I expect or hope for.
Carrying on the gif theme here
This time, things seemed to go differently, and I felt prepared, despite my excessive friendliness, which I think helped. I didn’t feel very nervous at all. My chest tightened when the division was called, but that tension released as soon as they started running our matches. Even though I went with two new people (the one in gi and the other in nogi, since the second gi match was with someone I faced before), I felt quietly confident and self-assured.
and also explosive at times when appropriate
I feel good when I think about it, and I like that I managed to complete one of my yearly goals in (essentially) under a week and a half. I feel more confident in training too, though that may pass. It’s nice to have at least one corner of my life tidy.
now let’s do some cardio
I hope that I get to do more tournaments and win some more matches, as even though the match I won featured a takedown, it was not a sweet takedown or throw, so I still have to compete in order to fulfil that goal.