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In all honesty, stuck in a cloud of malaise. For the past few months, I’ve isolated myself and withdrawn from people. At first it wasn’t intentional, but then it persisted over time. I’ve been trying to get out and do things and see the people I care about but sometimes it’s difficult for me. This doesn’t reflect on the people (or outside)… it’s just something inside of me. Anyway, I guess this part of the post is a public apology for my behaviour. I’m trying to take ownership of it and move forward with my life.

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Since my last post, I started doing more (Brazilian) jiu-jitsu and judo and grappling (at least attempting to complete some of my 25 before 25…). I really enjoy it, and I also competed twice, though I haven’t won a match yet (0-5, the best record). BJJ and judo have been positive influences and have helped me come to terms with my feelings in some respects. I have never really been athletic nor has my body accepted physicality and movement well, but I don’t mind. I just put the time in so I can get better. I want to do more competitions, but most of the upcoming ones coincide with things I can’t miss.

I got my first stripe

I got my first stripe

A default bronze - a little bit curious why I and the other third place woman didn't have a match for it...

A default bronze – a little bit curious why I and the other third place woman didn’t have a match for it…

Fought my team mate and had too many emotions

Fought my team mate and had too many emotions. My teeth aren’t super dirty, that’s just my mouthguard

Almost didn't have any matches in nogi but they found someone

Almost didn’t have any matches in nogi but they found someone

Default silver because there were two of us - she was very nice though

Default silver because there were two of us – she was very nice though

The team! :)

The team, or at least part of it! 🙂

Anyway, I’m sitting here wondering what to write next.. I guess I’m going to post a series of photos that shows approximately what I’ve been up to when I’ve managed to leave the house:

Going to the Islands with Kate and Sonya!

Going to the Islands with Kate and Sonya!

Getting bubble tea!

Getting bubble tea!

Taking hilarious photos of Peaches!

Taking hilarious photos of Peaches!

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Hiking!

Hiking!

Loving fish!

Loving fish!

Graffiti with charcoal!

Graffiti with charcoal!

A whole fried onion!

A whole fried onion!

apple pickin! (with Kate and her boyfriend (!) James)

apple pickin! (with Kate and James)

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HIKING AGAIN

HIKING AGAIN

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Me writing this post

Me writing this post

In any case, I think it might be prudent too to review my 25 before 25:

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1. Drawing from prompts every day: This one didn’t really work out so well, but I have been doodling on and off.

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2. Read Muumipappa ja meri in Finnish: I’m not really that far in, and I haven’t read any for a while.

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3. Finnish diary: Haven’t written in it for some time, but have actually written stuff, so that’s not bad, right?

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doin’ ok

4. Keep a scrapbook from January 2014 to January 2015: I have actually kept my scrapbook going, so A+ on this one.

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sad about lifting

5. Lift bodyweight: I haven’t been lifting for almost half the year now mostly because of money/time/locational issues. I’d rather do BJJ and judo and such, and my new gym doesn’t have a weight room, but that’s ok.

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6. Improve my jiu-jitsu and grappling: I’ve been going pretty much every day to train BJJ and twice a week in judo. I feel that I’ve improved. 🙂

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7. Catalogue my books: No way. Oops.

like a dress or something

like a dress or something

8. Make myself an item of clothing: There’s still time, and I do have the material…

preferably by train

preferably by train with tea

9. Visit a country I haven’t been to before: I’d say South Wales, but since it’s a part of Wales and I went there last year, it doesn’t count. This one is probably not going to happen.

lol oops

lol oops

10. Finish writing up my safari in Tanzania: Still working on it. There’s a lot of photos.

papppeers

papppeers

11. Publish two to three papers: Kind of, I guess the ones I have count, since they were published after my birthday. Check mark!

they will be as pretty as roses and probably rose flavoured

they will be as pretty as roses and probably rose flavoured

12. Make macarons at least twice: I haven’t yet, but I will hopefully before my birthday.

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13. Start a blog series: I guess I’ve done tea reviews, books I have recently read, and another kind of review series I’m posting soong (games I have recently played), so this is ok. Cool people I know has to wait, since I want to set out the parameters/questions for it.

yesss

yesss

14. Improve my plank: I’ve been doing circuits with *gasp* one handed planks. It’s going ok.

next yeaaarr

next yeaaarr

15. Do a pottery class: Not even close, but it’s going to probably carry over to next year’s list.

lippie lipsticks

lippie lipsticks

16. Wear all of my lipsticks at least once: I have done this, but I haven’t reviewed them. Maybe I’ll start a make up series?

manicure activate! re-use the gif activate! yes!

manicure activate! re-use the gif activate! yes!

17. Wear all of my nail varnishes at least once: Check and check. I’m doing nail looks that involve multiple colours so it’s easy to wear them all.

how employers seem to react to me

how employers seem to react to me

18. Find some sort of meaningful employment: Nope!

hi friends sorry if i randomly burst into tears or something like it's not awkward whatevs

hi friends sorry if i randomly burst into tears or something like it’s not awkward whatevs

19. Try to get out of the house more: We all know how that’s gone for me…

just sittin in this field not blogging oops my bad

just sittin in this field not blogging oops my bad

20. Try to blog at least once a week: Oops.. well.. I tried.

sometimes i have to take a break you know

sometimes i have to take a break you know

21. Work on my short stories: I have been dabbling but haven’t produced anything yet.

pretty much

pretty much

22. Work on my novel outline and maybe start writing for NaNoWriMo: I have started the outline now but I didn’t write anything for NaNoWriMo last year – I am planning to this year, though.

that's at least one thing done on the list

that’s at least one thing done on the list

23. Review the teas I drink: See my tea reviews series.

and so are ravioli

and so are ravioli

24. Make handmade pasta: There’s still time to complete this goal!

indeterminate feelings

indeterminate feelings

25. Successfully defend my Master’s thesis in the spring: This is a bit delayed but hopefully I’ll finish soon.

This is probably enough for now, but I’ll write more later.

Em

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